As you get older, the physical changes your body goes through have a significant influence on all aspects of your life, including your sex life. Decreasing hormone levels and changes in the way your body behaves can lead to a range of sexual issues, such as vaginal pain and dryness for women and erectile dysfunction for men.
These physical changes often mean that the intensity of the sex you are used to in days gone by may give way to more subtle and gentle tendencies in later life. However, the emotional benefits that come with maturity, increased confidence, better communication skills, and fewer inhibitions, can help create a richer, and ultimately more satisfying sexual experience for you and your partner. The problem is, that many people fail to realise the full potential of sex in their later years. By understanding the physical, emotional, and spiritual elements that form the foundation of satisfying sex, you can be better prepared to resolve problems if they arise.
Identifying and treating sexual issues is now easier and simpler than ever before. Medications and professional sex therapists are commonplace in society today. However, before you head down the path of medication, you may be able to rectify minor sexual issues by making a few simple adjustments to your lovemaking style.
Make Time: The good old quickie won’t be as quick as it used to be. As you get older, your physical responses, including your sexual ones, slow down. Together, you and your partner can improve your chances of maintaining a better sex life by finding a quiet, comfortable, interruption free time and place for lovemaking. Understand that you and your partner will both need more time to get aroused and reach orgasm. If you think about it, spending more time having sex isn't a bad thing, and adjusting your lovemaking to accommodate this can really create a whole new sexual experience for all concerned.
Education: There are plenty of good online self help articles and books available for every type of sexual issue imaginable. A quick search on the internet will find you literally thousands of articles on any issue that may apply to you. Share this information with your partner, and use it to help you both become better acquainted with the problem. If talking directly to each other is awkward or uncomfortable, you can both use a highlighter or underline sections that you particularly like or find relevant, and allow each other to read the items that are of most importance or relevance to you both.
Maintain Physical Affection: Even if you have had a big day, you're tired, tense, or upset, making time for kissing and cuddling is essential for maintaining the emotional and physical bond with your partner. This is even more important if you are on medications that lower your libido. By maintaining the physical affection of a simple kiss and a cuddle, you will prevent self esteem and self doubt issues that could arise due to your partner feeling unloved or unwanted.
Use Marital Aids Such As Lubricants: Often, lubricating liquids and gels can help with the vaginal dryness that is a common symptom of aging. If lubricants work for you, use them regularly and liberally to avoid painful sex, a problem that can compound into a declining libido and growing relationship tensions. If lubricants no longer provide a satisfactory solution, it's time to discuss other options with your GP.
Practice The Art Of Touching: Sex therapists use sensate focus techniques which are used to improve intimacy and communication between partners around sex, reduce sexual performance anxiety, and shift away from ingrained, goal oriented sexual patterns that may not be providing any benefit for a couple. These can help you reconnect your physical intimacy without feeling pressured. If you were to read any self-help books and watch any educational videos on the subject, you will be provided a range of variations to these exercises. You may also want to simply ask your partner to touch you the way they would like to be touched. This will help you learn and understand how much pressure, from gentle to firm, you should use.
Try Different Positions: Developing an assortment of different sexual positions not only adds interest to lovemaking but can also help rectify any issues. For example, changing positions may apply subtle pressure in places for the woman that may help her to reach orgasm. Make sure you talk about what worked and didn't work for you afterwards.
Share Your Fantasies By Writing Them Down: This can help you explore possible activities for you and your partner to try that you think might be a turn-on for you both. Try recalling an experience you have read about or seen somewhere like a scene in a movie that aroused you and then share your memory with your partner. This is especially helpful for people with low libido as it helps get your imagination kick started.
Do Kegel Exercises: Men and women can exercise their pelvic floor muscles to improve their sexual fitness. To do these exercises, tighten the muscle you would use if you were trying to stop urinating midstream. Hold for two or three seconds, then relax. A good benchmark is to try doing this 10 times in each session. Five sessions a day is recommended. These exercises can be done anywhere, at any time, as they are invisible to others. At home, women may use kegel balls to add muscle strength and resistance. Bed Buddies has a great article on the use of kegel balls.
Try To Relax: Do something nice together before making love, such as going for a walk in the park, or going out for a quiet dinner. Date nights allow you to rekindle the fun associated with dating that can be lost when you become accustomed to your life together. Alternatively, relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga are always worth a try.
Try Adding Sex Toys Into The Mix: Believe it or not, Sex Toys are designed to help people. They provide opportunities either in solo play, or with a partner, to learn what you like and don’t like. This applies to experiences you may never have considered or tried before, including anal sex, or any one of the vast number of fetishes. A vibrator gives a woman the opportunity to find the spots most sensitive and most likely to help her achieve an orgasm. Having her partner find these with her using a vibrator as a couples toy is not only educational for both, its an amazing foreplay. Just make sure you don’t over use the toys and become dependent on them, by making sure the connection you have with your partner is the number one priority.
If none of these appear to work, don't give up hope. Your GP can often determine the cause of your sexual problem and may be able to suggest possible treatments, or refer you to a specialist who can. They may also suggest a sex coach, like Heidi True, Intimacy Coach, who can help you explore any issues that may be preventing you from having fulfilling sex life. Whatever the situation, there are many ways to experiment or get help, so don't give up on one of life's intimate pleasures.